“My foregrounds are imaginary, my backgrounds real.”

I officially have 7 days until I’m supposed to leave this place. I’m excited, crazy nervous, and a little scared. During my day-to-day, it doesn’t seem real. I know in some vague way that I’ll be leaving, and I’m ready to do it, but it still feels like any second I’ll wake up in the same spot and say, “Oh, I just dreamed it all.” Having a visa would probably help cement the reality of leaving for me, but, you know…

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I drove over an hour and a half to say goodbye to my little behbehz, and they wouldn’t even come out of hiding! Choko kept putting her head against my hand so I could pet her, but she wouldn’t leave the cat-cave. Neal wouldn’t even look at me, and kept crawling to different sections of my friend’s L-shaped couch, forcing me to follow him back and forth until he remembered I was someone he actually liked… but he still wouldn’t come out from under it. They were both completely fine stretching out in a dark, narrow space and having me rub their bellies/scratch their ears with one reaching arm whilst laying on MY belly, becoming a human lint-ball as I slid back and forth along the carpet trying to get to them. In the end, they did come out and I got to pick them up, take pictures of them, and pretend for an evening that I still live with them. I definitely earned that goodbye (and a matching mouth & outfit full of cat hair *gak*).

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January can’t come soon enough! I’m gonna miss these little faces until then 😦

The friend keeping my cats is actually my first and best friend from high school. While I was there, she bought me lunch and introduced me to Don’t Trust the B**** in Apt. 23, which I’d seen 92834798326423764928363 billboards for, but never watched. Those characters are completely insane, especially June for staying with such a ridiculous roommate. It’s pretty hard for me to believe that the “power of friendship” would be enough to make a person who constantly lies, sells your stuff when you’re not around, and doesn’t really respect or see you as much more than a sidekick an appealing roommate. It is pretty funny, though. The douchey James Van Der Beek character is my favorite, especially when he tries to get all soul-searchy (which never lasts more than a few minutes). We had fun 🙂

I’ve done my packing, which will likely be undone and redone about fifty times since I still have to wear the clothes I packed while I’m here. I’ve made my initial book pile, which I’ve tried and failed a few times to whittle down. In the end, I managed to minus a few of them from the stack. But before I could get too happy about the space I was saving, I realized I hadn’t allotted any room for dvds. This is all incredibly stupid of course because, one way or another, ALL of my stuff will be shipped to me as soon as I secure a place to live (after my first semester). But it’s a wee bit difficult to decide what things you can do without for 3.5 months when you’ve had years of constant access to them. I’ll wedge everything in somehow.

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My family is having a going away party for me this Saturday. While I’m not looking forward to answering the question “Why are you going all the way to England?” a bamillion times, I am looking forward to seeing people I haven’t seen in a while… and to eating my Nana’s yams one last time (which she’s making just for meeeeee 😀 ). Monday night, my mom and I are doing our own little going-away-dinner at this fancy sushi place I’ve driven past constantly but never tried. She’s going to work from home on Tuesday and take me to the airport (assuming I get to leave when I intend to) so we can spend that whole day together.

It’s weird to get what you want. It’s like the mind and body are so thoroughly conditioned to struggle that actually achieving a goal can feel…wrong somehow. No matter how hard and long you’ve worked, it still feels “too easy” in the end. Or maybe that’s just how it feels to me because I’m a glutton for punishment. It may simply be a combination of stress, nervousness, a little sadness/nostalgia, excitement, and satisfaction. Whatever it is, I know it’ll pass eventually and I’ll be in full-on rapture to be starting this part of my life once I’m settled there.

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I can’t wait 😀

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12 thoughts on ““My foregrounds are imaginary, my backgrounds real.”

  1. haha I love Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23! The girl friendship is indeed very weird – but it was worth watching just for the James Van Der Beek character!
    We’re kind of in the same situation – I’m also starting to think about packing and it’s absolutely ridiculous! I’m moving to the UK (semi permanently) this time and I’m having the hardest time trying to figure out which books to bring! It’s actually going to be a challenge! Also I want to bring ALL of the food ever made in Quebec! Wish I could have one suitcase of clothes, one suitcase of books and one suitcase of food!
    I’m also having a farewell party this weekend with the fam – looking forward to it but kind of hate it at the same time (don’t tell them) because I hate goodbyes!
    Wait do you not have your visa yet??

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    • No visa yet :/ I’m prepared to change my flight if necessary — I’d just rather not b/c it’ll mean missing some/all of Int’l student orientation. But whether it’s on my original date or a few days later, I’m moving to England! That part is not changing 🙂 I like your suitcase idea, haha. If I could have 3 for clothes, books, and food/miscellaneous items, I’d be set! I realized after writing this post that I have to add my artwork to my luggage, too, somehow. Time for more Tetris-packing!

      Enjoy your family this weekend! Goodbyes are definitely hard, but since you’re returning to the UK, you’ll get to say “hello” to people you love, too! 🙂

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  2. I totally feel you! It can be such a mix of emotions to leave one place and go off to another. You’re excited about new beginnings, but of course you’re going to miss those things you leave behind! That’s the life of an expat! All the best to ya!!!

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    • Thank you, Dana! If I could, I’d trade the sadness of missing things for more excitement. I’m happy to be doing this (FINALLY), but the familiar has a way of digging its claws in you and not letting go! But like you said: that’s the life of an expat! You’ve gotta let go of some things if you wanna move forward, right? 🙂

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  3. how exciting! moving is crazy hard, especially a big move like that! and to be honest, the life of an expat never gets easier – you’re still excited, but you still miss home! it will always be the way i think. and what outfit is complete without cat hair? lol

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    • Hahaha Yes cat hair is the perfect accessory. No matter how much of it you *think* you’ve removed from your clothes, there is ALWAYS more 😛 . What you said about it not getting easier is an important reality check. I’ll definitely keep that in mind. It’s a trade-off, huh? Get the life you really want; leave your old life behind 🙂

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  4. Such an exciting time for you! This post reminded me a lot of how I felt when I left England. It’s like you want to do everything one last time and it’s sad but you are so excited that you get caught up in it all and then it’s over. Good luck with your future travels!

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